omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
