Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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