I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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