yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
