I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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