you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
