i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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