This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
