We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
