fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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