we made out on top of his cat.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
