Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
