You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
