i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize