Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
