I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
