i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
