She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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