You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
