I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
