The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
