Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
