And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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