I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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