my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
