If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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