Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i love accidental penises.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
