If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
