I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I FOUND THE LEGS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
