if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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