This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
