i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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