can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
