It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
