Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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