At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
