one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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