i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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