I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
