Having a random hookup so left but love u
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
