I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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