You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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