I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
