you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
