I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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