Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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