Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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