I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
