SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
