butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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