i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
