i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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