He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
