btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
