Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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