I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
