You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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