I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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