I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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