and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
