glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my phone needs a breathalizer
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
