i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
