My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
