apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am naked and annoyed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
