She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
