i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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