I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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