im having a threesome with these popsicles
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
