is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
