he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
