I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
