I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
